the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize