dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
