Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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