I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
