You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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