A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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