Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had to cum in my sink.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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