You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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