Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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