you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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