She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
