This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
