I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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