I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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