yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
