you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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