They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
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If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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