just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Randomize
