I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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