You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
