i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
