yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
