can u get pink eye on your cock?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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