Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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