we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She even gives head with a lisp.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
