I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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