At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
