i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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