I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
