Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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