Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
