he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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