you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
