why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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