dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
