She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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