I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
