you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize