i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
