I think my fart just growled at me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize