turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
