shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
