I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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