I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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