he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
