You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
