i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
