did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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