im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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