You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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