I just cut my nipple shaving
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
