At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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