You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize