obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
And then he peed in my hair
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