I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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