farters have to be the big spoon...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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