that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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