the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
