i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you win again, gameday.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
