somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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