We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
